Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
