i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
tell me about the fingering
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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