It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
