Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't notice because vodka
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
