yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
