I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
