I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
