i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
