doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
