Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
