They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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