We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
