i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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