She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
