New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
