I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
