Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So many bounce houses so little time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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