party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize