Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
