Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
