all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
