worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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