The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
