I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
