I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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