Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
