just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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