I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize