I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
