Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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