Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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