We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize