in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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