if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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