you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
