We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
