you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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