if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
