I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
