ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had to cum in my sink.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
