this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
