I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
