please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This baby is an asshole
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
