sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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