no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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