It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize