I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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