I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
