I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
