I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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