I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
