i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize