Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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