Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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