I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
