Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
