My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
