grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize