it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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