You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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