I think my vagina is haunted
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
