I heard we made out
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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