My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
