6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
