I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize