so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's Friday. Sex?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
