4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
