Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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