I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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