hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
