They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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