I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They have beer where we have blood.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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