I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize