I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
