its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you never un-have a 4some
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
