So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
