i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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