May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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