she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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