you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
