to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they need to just BURY HIM!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
