Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize