I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
