dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
