You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There r osticjed everywhere
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
