dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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