Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
