the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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