then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pappa wants mamma naked
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
