I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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