I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
