I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
