he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
