It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
