I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
