You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
