the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
