Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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