I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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