i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
